just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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