two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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