Say something about gay babies.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I am never drinking with the goths again.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
