He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
