I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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