Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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