but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
