I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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