just come out here and I will go home with you...
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
