where am i from again
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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