I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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