just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
