Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
