i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
