she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
