Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I love you. Go after that dick
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
