turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
