You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Dick very happy bro
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
