I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
