Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize