I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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