I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
