So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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