JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
