at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
