when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize