I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
