This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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