i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
