walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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