Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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