Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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