Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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