Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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