this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
love makes seman taste better
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
