I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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