Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Randomize