Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
