I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Everclear isn't food dammit
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
