You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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