If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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