Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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