Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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