"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
