Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize