I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
