nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
