You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
