I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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