16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
