My liver just broke up with me...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
