i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
