you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
