I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
