bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
