i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
