apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
