You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
