I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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