I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
