I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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