i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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