You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
