I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
