apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
