I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
