If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
