there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
