Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
