I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
