it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
