Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
