Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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