The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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